R.A.G.E

" Anger promotes death, Joy gives life. "

well I guess I'm pretty much angry and raging @ myself now... I guess sometimes the hardest part is forgiving oneself and not others. when you fail to forgive yourself anger and rage starts to take over, slowly wrapping ur heart and consuming you. The worst part is the more you try to control it and wrestle with it, the stronger it becomes. Anger is a powerful weapon, but what can counter it?


-marc

Tiring Day!!

" You haven't failed until you've stopped and quit. "

Woah, been one tiring day! rollerblading and playing escape theme park... is a KILLER! oh wells but I guess it was alot of fun! especially e Pirate Ship... haha darling was having sooooo much fun on that ride... while I was like screaming and nearly pissing in my pants alright... I guess its the first time darling has seen me this scared and screaming for REAL... haha but I guess its an achievement for me... haha other then that nothing really much in particular. Just a REALLY TIRING DAY!


-marc

Busy Busy Busy!!!

" Sometimes we fall, and when we fall we tend to give up hope or be disappointed, However God is always there shining the light for us to take notice. "

Woah looking busy this week, with so many events coming up! haha I cant wait for Thursday and Friday! and most of all this weekend!!! candlelight service!!! woot!! My 1st candlelight service man... I'm sure its gonna pack one huge punch!

I guess nothing is ever smooth sailing, be it maintaining friendship or even relationships. But I suppose there is one thing we can all seek delight in and that is our relationship with GOD, well his grace and mercy is more then sufficient for us. Even when we are at our most down period or like when we've been unfaithful, GOD is always there for us ready to pick us up again, or forgive us when we seek repentence. How many people is able to do such things in this world? I can almost clearly say zero? GOD is surely wonderful and magnificent.

Hey Darling:)! I just wanna say, " You are the most wonderful girlfriend that one can ever have, thank you for being there:) I love you darling!! "


-marc

" Negative mindsets begets negative results, Postive mindsets brings about a better world. "

Woah been a busy day on a sunday man... usually its like my slacking day man... but todae.. I'm cleaning all e thrash in my room... woah amazing man... seriously I would prefer to clean it up during spring cleaning... but however... e Mrs says CLEAN! haha so yeah clean lor... well it wont hurt wad right? woah boy oh boy... the dust was like... HOLY MAMA THATS ALOT OF DUST!!!

haha well still got lots to go man... packing cleaning tidying that long table of mine... and I seriously need to clear up my old clothes! too many... omg my cupboard is like overflowing with clothes!!! haha oh wells gotta go clean up now :p


-mich

random updates

" He who conquers his habits wins the mind, He who conquers the mind wins the heart, he who conquers the heart attains discipline. "

Boy oh boy... I dont even know where to start.. hmm... been one crazy week alright.. mum and dad hasnt been around for the past 2weeks... and the best part is they're flying off again nxt week! this time they going china! looks like they are pretty busy @ this time of the year... i wonder when will it be my turn to fly out of the country... haven been on a holi for ages now man... well i suppose i cant wait for 2years down the road... 2 more years and I'll be heading up to the states! well hopefully by then the economy stablizes... but yeah life isnt like a bed of roses... lots of ups and downs, but hey what we can do is to smoothen the path... make it kinda less bumpy ya know? haha.. life is always good... lots of fantastic things around... and tonnes of surprises! life just never fails to surprise me... haha

Lesson to learn

" Look forth ahead for there is no future looking back, the future is ahead not behind.
What has passed is past look ahead, for all who has accepted him have been washed clean.
The future is what he cares about. The past is now irrevelant. "

House Keeping!

Woah! this place is definately looking dusty alright... haha pardon me for not cleaning up the mess here.. haha well been really very very very busy all these while... so many things happening, changes all around... okay okay lets just head on down to the main point... I am officially attached to Jasmine Lim Shu Fen! woah!! alright man she's like the best... seriously she fits the bill perfectly and like woah.... totally sweeps me off my feet... Hurricane Inc!!!! haha... well this is definately THE ONE... i've made up my mind man... shes the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with man... haha working to a common aim! lots of hard work but thats not to gonna pull me down alright... haha DARLING I LOVE YOU!

And YES WATER BAPTISM is coming! this saturday!!! woah!!! excited!!!! i simply just cant wait its just like 2 days more man... oh wow praise the lord!! halleujah! ooooo i cant wait... all the excitement in me... my oh my... never felt this excited before... the feeling is like even better then opening your 1st birthday or christmas present man... i'm like totally blown away by the feeling itself.... and also ASIA CONFERENCE! wow wow wow wow! so many good things happening all @ one go? this is definately tooo good to be true! amazing! halleujah! this is definately going to be a great time of blessings :) surely!

I'm so definately going to love this, life is definately wonderful! I love my Lord, and also I love my darling!

Exhaustion!

Exhausted! Exhausted! Exhausted! haha my thighs are feeling rather suan now... but its all good I feel great after cycling from home to east coast and back :) yeah and guess what... Jasmine completed it the entire journey! amazing... lol I think its an achievement for her.. hmm... I think she should have shed the kilos ba... lawl... evilness haha. too bad now I have to rest fer awhile let my legs have a proper rest or else I'll be in deep trouble... haha. Oh wells I guess on the whole everything went well... no mishaps or what-so-eva other then a couple or near heart attacks, Thank God for that... I don't wanna die young okay... lawl sum it all up yesterday was a fantastic day! 

Breaking the boundaries of self deception

hmm... seems like I'm still coping well but I definately have to start opening up to more people, I mean hey brother edmund is right... I can't go on like this forever or else, I'll forever be stuck in this pot hole... Who knows I might feel better after I talk about it? I guess we'll all know soon enough.

God made man and woman for a reason and he also made them dependable on each other. Just as much as God has filled the void, I know that deep within me I'm missing something... feel incomplete... pain... no matter how much I try to deny and deceive myself, I know I too need my special someone...

-mich

Unexpected returns of the past.

The past has come back to haunt me... I have no idea why the past returns, I should have already moved on... the mistakes I've made, the unhappy memories... it is all coming back, slowly intensifying the torment.

Joyful Joyful

I believe there are many wonderful things that are going to happen around me, as some have already happened... things been good so far in my relationship with dad, we've been talking once again and it seems all good:) Praise the Lord! I believe more breakthrus will come!! just need to pray and fast :) 

"a feeling warmness but yet so cold"

-mich

Words of encouragement that suddenly just came...

Casting aside all worldly issues and focusing my heart,mind and soul on God for it is written "Seek 1st the kingdom of God and everything else shall be added on to you." The mindset that we have determines the person that we will be. The Faithless will crumble and fall even at the slightest obstacle, the Faithful will stand strong even when faced with the toughest obstacle. Even when we are faithless, God is still faithful! and while God is still faithful how can we, his children be faithless? When God believes in US who are WE to doubt him? All glory and thanks to the LORD OUR GOD, for without him we are nothing but just empty shells.

you might wonder why I suddenly penned this down, believe me my brothers and sisters when I say I do not know why but suddenly while showering this thought just came to me and I felt the urge to just pen this in my blog. It prolly could well just be for me or anyone else and I Thank the Lord for filling my mind with such wonderful words of encouragement.

A decision made.

Its been a week since I came back and I've seen significant changes happening to me within just 1 week and now I've finally made the ultimate decision that is I will no longer play dumb anymore, I must rise up. It is time I finally buckle down, yes I am afraid of failing and rejection but so what I will no longer run but instead stand up and face it. I must be who GOD has created not what I am, I cannot run forever so now I've made my decision to rise up and be serious. It will not be easy but I will press on, I'm scared but I will be courageous. With that enough has been said, I am no longer what I am but what GOD has created. I must and will let GOD run my life, what he says I will do. I must do great things for HIM and glorify HIM in all that I do.


-mich

The Past, The Present, The Future

Its just been a few days since I decided to slide on back towards God and changes within me has been going on, not only changes but also more internal conflicts... but I guess it's okay, I think I can handle them on my own for now. Temptations are aplenty and so far I guess I'm resisting them fine. Hope it stays that way... yes I know the road will not be an easy one and also changes will be inevitable and more so the pain that will come along with it, but I guess I'm up to the task after all I guess I'm no stranger to pain. I guess after reading brother Edmund's blog... I sort of reflected on how far has God brought me too... well I guess studying in a mission school for a good 11 years has allowed me to grow up in a Christian environment and mind you I was sent to Acension kindergarten it too taught Christian values... hmm.. now it seems that 1/2 my life so far I was brought up in an Christian Environment. Back then I was young and really didnt know who jesus was and what was his purpose, you know the funny thing is I responded to altar call without knowing what it was all about.. I just had this feeling that I've got to go there, its as if a dormant part of me was suddenly awake and telling me, "Marcus you've got to go, this is something you really really don't want to miss out"... really sounds bizarre right? But I guess over the years I've come to know who Jesus is and what was his purpose.. now here's something that happened to me on a few occasions... well I've had no less than 3 people telling the same thing, I will do many great and wonderful things for God... at that age I was like "what?! are you crazy?? I'm just an ordinary guy how can I possibly do great and wonderful things for God?" even now I'm like "woah lets just take 1 step at a time, how am I suppose to do great and wonderful things for God when I don't even know my own talents? and further more I'm not in very good shape." But I guess well God being God, nothing is impossible for him :)

Hey now don't laugh at me just because I don't know my own talents... seriously sometimes I even wonder do I even have any talents... imo i feel like I'm more of a jack of all trades, master of none... maybe in time to come God will change that? well atleast I do hope he would. hmm... brother Edmund did tell me to rise up and all... and I was like "what?! rise up?! NOW?! you've got to be kidding me... just as when I've gotten naise and comfy in my chair you're telling me to get my butt off that wonderful chair..." haha I guess that was kinda typical of me, seriously I mean who likes to get out of their comfort zones and all... but I guess well he does have a point, and well knowing me for a good 15 years atleast he sure does know how to hit the soft where he knows I'll respond.. you cheeky fellow... sometimes you play dirty you know that? haha. well I guess in all I know what I want for now, and there's alot of work to be done... gonna have to pick up all the pieces again. Rebuilding to greatness in progress.

Haha I think I can plan for the future once again, or rather I'm begining to feel that I still can achieve the future I want :) though I do not know what lies ahead but I am sure that God will be with me throughout the whole journey. What is it that I want in life? well I guess for now I want to serve God to the best of my abilities, able to grad with a degree and settle down @ 28. woah yes it's 28... it may come as a shocker to most... but yes i'm serious its 28 man... most of you people might be thinking "what?! you? settling down @ 28? you gotta be kidding man given your playful nature and all most would think that you wouldn't even plan to settle down man." well sorry people i too thought I wouldn't settle down too... but you see things change and well someone came along and now I'm working on it to make it all come to pass... I guess this is my goal and my future I would like to have and yes alot of overcoming of fears and hard work is needed in order to achieve this. Don't get me wrong man I get scared when it comes down to afew things like, Studying, Decision making and getting into a relationship with the girl i really really really like alot... now don't laugh here... you might think "but what?! you've already been in and out of relationships man this should be like something that is the norm for you so why in the world you getting scared?!" but let me tell you something I'm just like everyone else that gets scared so yeah don't ask me why... cos there is a part of me that isnt for just anyone to know, only those who are special to me will get to know it.

-mich

The ultimate Confusion, The last stand...

hmm... planning huh... seems like a fantastic idea to me, however all that I've planned can no longer come to pass, it is all over... i simply cannot see it coming to pass. I think i'll just take things as they come ba... no point in me planning... somehow it never seems to work for me or rather i have no talent? maybe i'm just borned to be just like everyone else in this mundane world... nothing special about me i guess... just your average joe. Today's CG was abt planning and all... well it was nice and encouraging but however i simply cant see it happening, some people say plans are rigid, but others says plans can be flexible... too flexible the plan will fail, too rigid also will fail... headache headache.

I wanna thank you all who's been encouraging me and trust me when I say it really means alot to me and I appreciate it..really... I've never had any friends who would encourage me this way (except for brother edmund back then la but really wasnt much of a help thou :p) which somehow makes me confused... Cos i really never never thought that there would be anymore others there who would encourage and help me in such a way... even my good brother delvin who has helped me in different ways, going thru thick and thin with me for a good 18 years now has not done something like this... maybe its cos he's not a believer? I don't know, I'm confused and disturbed. I don't want to celebrate my birthday because I've felt it's quite insignificant and somehow I haven really felt happy celebrating it for some years now... It's just like any other ordinary day to me... maybe because as I grow older the people around me just seem to somehow to forget it... yes friends whom i wanted to celebrate with had forgotten, relatives i want to celebrate with are busy... maybe it's because of all these that I feel insignificant to celebrate... disappointment? sadness? maybe so.. maybe so.. I'm actually shocked that CG kinda of insist on celebrating it when I told them I don't want to.. yes shocked but yet in a way happy on the inside.. why are people being so naise? Something is stirring within me which i thought had died off a long time ago... when I've seen the horrors of reality, but why now? is this all part of reality? all that I've witness in life... every man for himself, its a dog eat dog world... so how can this be? does something else that I used to believe in really exist?

Hmm... alot of talk about marriage and all been going around... heard that pastor has been talking about it alot... well its great to hear that brother Kenrus is dating, brother edmund has someone in sights and currently working on it and i heard Mel has someone in mind and working on it too.. haha it's great really great... Its fun to just know and see people getting together and all, all it took was for pastor to talk about it and the masses are getting their act together.. haha wonderful, beautiful sight it is.. as for me i do have someone in mind but I'm prolly too scared to do anything so maybe I'll just watch her from afar... yeah I'm scared alright don't get me wrong I ain't all gung-ho i too get scared when it comes down to the real deal... but what is it that I'm scared of? I guess I too would like to be attached once more but it's different this time... alot more different and difficult... I'm longer in it for the fun, it's no longer a play thing... my last serious one ended in shatters and I was broken... ever since all the relationships were just a fun thing... now that I'm looking @ a serious one and prolly my last if i were ever to be successful, I'm scared and lost... totally not confident at all, I guess my previous serious one took along all my confidence along with it when it ended in shatters. I actually didn't want to think about all this, but with all this talk and events revolving around me... it kinda made me think about it. Haha pastor said to get married @ 28 was it? haha my exact thoughts initially (note the word initially) however now I'm 23 and its another 5 years to go till 28 (my initial plan was to settle down @ 28) haha I don't think I can make it happen @ the rate I'm at now... being scared, no confidence and all... maybe a miracle will happen? haha wishful thinking on my part prolly wun happen at all. so yeah until then I think I'll just be watching from afar.

Things @ home seems be okay.. my relationship with my brothers are still okay i guess.. i mean we do talk, play games together like old times... i guess its okay... however my relationship with my mum seems to have gotten alil strained its not that bad but it could change anytime I guess... and yes my relationship with my dad is some what unchanged... somehow this is the longest "coldwar" I've had with him... I haven spoken to him (as in chatting and all like father and son) for about 2-3mths now.. and somehow I'm sadden that things turned out this way, it's as if we're totally invisible to each other. I guess ultimately I could never have a family I like it to be... with so many different perspectives and ideals... I guess it can never happen, but the thing is I love my Dad still... even thou he's hurt me and all I love him... strange isn't it? well according to my mum history has it that my family line, all the men had problems expressing their love to each other (father and son la dun anyhow think) so maybe this is something I've gotta live with?

So I guess it all boils down to the last stand huh? I don't think I can continue to "retreat" any further because there is just simply no more place for to run to anymore. I'm at the last bastion, I have to buckle down for 1 last charge, it's a do or die situation I guess don't really have much of a choice and honestly I don't like the sound and idea of it but I just can't see what I can do other then to brace myself and go all out... with my back against the final bastion this is The Last Stand, either I'm Defeated or Victorious. I guess we'll all find out in time to come...

-mich

some random post lawl

weewwwww... i guess i'm writing cos I have seriously nothing to do at this point in time... its like so boring.. everything seems so uninteresting... its as if nothing interests me anymore... can you believe it? i'm actually finding GAMING BORING! ZOMG cant believe this is happening... maybe i need a new environment? i dunno... just had my 2nd interview today... to be honest i'm not really confident about it, or rather somehow i just felt that i've screwed it up... man it just seems i cant get anything done right... everything is just so messy. getting myself into a whole load of shlt and all... well looking on the bright side... atleast i think the school have decided to let me and my whole clique off in regards to that stupid incident... on the ugly side... more or less everything else is still messy. oh well i'm back to keeping long hair haha yeah i know i'll look pretty old in long hair but yeah... it doesnt matter (well actually theres another reason to it) now all i can hope for is that I wun have to cut my hair... short hair makes me look so boyish...

hmmm... its already sept now a new month but yet all seems the same, no progress haha bleah maybe this month things will change for the better? haha i hope it will :) and yes... my good brother edmund, wish ya all e best man... take heart dont give up just forge on ahead! UP&ON! i'm sure you make it this time.. very sure that is... so dont disappoint me and above all else dont let yourself down! cheers!!!

A wonderful day but yet an impending doom approaches

haha wow a great sunday... haha well sunny for e 1st half then rainy for the next half... haha went out todae man felt great,relaxed and man the feeling was just awesome... simply awesome... its like a long lost feeling coming back haha... looks like I need to work hard again huh... oh wells went to watch "Money Not Enough2" haha man the show was great seriously it was hilarious but yet saddening @ the same time... I could really feel the pinch in my heart when all the sad parts were being screened... it also really made me reflect alot deep down inside... it made think.."do I want the same thing to happen to my parents or my grandmother?" to be honest I'm actually disturbed that it stirred my heart... oh wells never mind that... I just wished time would have stopped today... the feeling i felt... the tranquil air... it was just so peaceful, light and warm. Cheers! brother edmund you need to work hard! and step on it! just as i too also if we both want to attain what we want... its a tough and daunting task... but overcome it we will i support you, you support me ya? just like old times sake :) we have come a long way now lets carry on supporting and cheering each other on till we're old and wither away thats what brothers do aye :)

Now heres the sad part... I have to submit my letter of explanation and go for and interview later... i'm scared... really scared... my last chance is hanging on the balance... if everything goes badly... i really wun know what to do... this is too cruel... just as when i thought i have found the reason to rise back up from the ashes... however some part of me is crying, crying out to god for mercy, forgiveness and keeping a glimmer of faith and hope that things will be okay...

I feel that I must push on and completed rise out from the ashes... cos if I dont then I will never be able to push on to attain what i want... to start from scratch is hard... but I dont mind, I want to finally attain my goals... no matter how many times I fall off, I will and must get up and climb again...

a slow begining to the week

weeew... things have been moving pretty slowly nothing interesting has happend so far... other then the fact that yes i've been DEBARRED from my exams and thus having to repeat my entire sem2 and its gonna burn bloody huge hole in my pocket a naise whooping 2.4grand to repeat how naise... so yeah lor bo bian now need to work and hopefully i would have enuff... hopefully la, but heh reality says i wouldnt have enuff... /wrist man. err... well today's the 19th and erm yeah i really really need to find a job soon and hand in my reply slip to skool... lawl FER GOODNESS SAKES WAKE UP ALREADY!!! lawl hmm... well i've been sleeping "early" alrights like say 630 in the morning? hmm... dont ask me why i'm sleeping at that time... i clearly have no ideas what-so-eva... haha and clearly i'm screwed! haha everything seems upside down to me...LOLOL what a funky thing... but yeah other then everything seems to be alot slower... halp!

Everything is just but a past, a distant memory, a fragment of time

and so it seems with time passing by, everything has become a past, a memory, a fragment of time... what the future holds i do not know... neither am i wanting to know... but i do know this... i will not love another other den myself... yes selfish as it seems but there is no other way.... love can be a pain in the butt... and no i'm not gunning for lucky 7 either.... it shall just end @ 5... there can be no other way. there are so many things that has eluded me... and up till now, i dont see why must GOD create human in such a way that man and women must be together (well as it was written in da bible)... well i dont mean to sexiest here but honestly i think "brothers" are really the ones who help me out the most... they are like always ready when called upon... not girlfriends man... experience tells me they leave you the moment ur in deep shlt.. heh i for one have no such need for such a person... take a bullet for a brother? yes! take a bullet for girlfriend i'll definately think twice or maybe even thrice...

Looks like things in my family is going good... everything seems to fall into place... now all that is left is for me accept it as it is, and not what i would want it to be... i wonder will i ever ever accept things as they are? or will i continue to be that cold heartless creature... honestly speaking, i dont quite feel and remorse towards my parents, does that make me a heartless person? i dont know... but i do know i sure meant what i said... sometimes i feel lonely... but yet i dont wanna be disturbed... weird huh? feeling lonely and all but yet dont wanna be disturbed... maybe she right I'm emo alright... and I've been in an emo state for a long while now... just wanting to destroy my life... oh wells least i know i did some serious damage already... relationship with parents on the rocks, heh i'm that close to being kicked out of the house man... well honestly speaking i'm just waiting for it to happen... lets see what else... ah yes... i fucked myself in my education, gotta repeat sem2 and yes this is the last go... honestly i cant see a very bright future for myself... actually it kinda looks rather if not very bleak... well i've got 1 life... heh might as well enjoy it b4 i die man... like whu knows when i'll die? maybe 2hrs from now? or maybe tml? i dont know...

so bottom line... aint gonna get no one, just myself and my brothers and 1 life, live it to the happiest as i can. actually i might just leave the country, i think thats a better option... away from home...

:)

Jasmine is the most understanding girl ever, and oh my she's cute too :)

weaken body... unsure why it is so

hmm... so it seems that apparently shes forgotten... and that is the final straw... i guess i need to be that asshole huh... and so it shall be... revenge can be a real bitch... always remember that. oh wells that aside... i've been feeling really really really tired the entire day man... dunno wads wrong with my body but yeah... i'm easily worn out... every little thing makes me real tired even if its just cycling.. 

Oh my what is happening to my body!!! i think i need to push it more rather den rest... tune it to endure more rather then being so sloppy... grr... stupid body so weak... its needs to get stronger a whole lot stronger... 

The Ending of a chapter.

At last i think this chapter must come to a close... or rather it has already reached its end, i think at last i can begin to release all that has happened... no matter how unhappy it has been... well i cant possibly stick in 1 spot forever right? haha... well atleast i know what i have to do and all that shit... if certain things are meant to be then it will come to past eventually... there are plenty which i have to let go no matter how much i dont want to... pressing on like this is really going to do me no good at all... its unhealthy for everyone i suppose, oh wells i dont have to point fingers now i guess... if you know who you are then good, if you dont then tooo bad...lawl yup thats the harsh reality of life...lawl

A new chapter should always start off naise... haha but the endings of every chapter may not be naise and in this case it sure aint naise at all...haha but so what? SMILE! everything will eventually be solved... be patient.. rushing will only do more harm then good:) 

Eternal Hatred

I hate you all! my hate is so strong for all of you that i shall take it along with even to my death bed! WHY DID BOTH YOU EVEN BRING ME INTO THIS WORLD FOR?! all that you both have given are nothing but suffering! BOTH OF YOU ARE ULTIMATE FAILURES! and it shall be so even till the day both of you die! I HATE BOTH OF YOU!!! DONT EVER CALL ME SON ANYMORE!! I HATE I HATE I HATE!

collapsing from within, could there still be hope?

hmm... nothing much has improved... instead matters got worst... i'm losing it soon, crumbling from within i can feel... man my net has fucked me real bad over the past few days, pay so much for this kind of FUCKED UP service... balls to you singnet... oh wells @least i'm getting a new comp this thursdae... well hopefully i guess... things dont look so great atm, struggling to stay afloat in every department i guess, i long to rest but i cant no matter how tired i am... every night i sleep 2-4hrs max, and even then they arent peaceful ones... i wake up every now and then, my mind constantly thinks, i cant stop myself... too many problems i cant keep up, its getting heavier by the day... when will i at last collapse? a truth from a lie and a lie from a truth... i no longer know how to tell the difference... there is no sanctuary for me, only the harsh world... i have no place to hide and rest. will someone offer me sanctuary? no i guess not, no one knows how i feel or what i've been through... and no one will ever be bothered anyways.

All seems lost... i do not see a glimmer of hope... there is no light, only the eternal darkness of the abyss awaits. i have lost my light and soon my strength... i am but just an ordinary human being... i too will get tired, i too will get hurt, i too have feelings but soon i'll prolly just be that emotionless guy once more... numbed to all hurt, anger, joy, love, jealousy, hatred, happiness.

a slightly interesting day but uneventful week

oh man life's in a mess... very thing is a mess right now :x man i hate this kinda stuff man, gotta slowly piece everything back together again, its kinda tiring but hey i aint got a choice now here do I? lawl guess what? I've been WoW-ing alot lately man... seems like the good old days are coming back again... well it could be a bad thing... but @least it helps me get a whole load of shlt of my mind man... I wun have to constantly think of this and think of that... what a pain in da @ss it can be sometimes... haha I think i need to find something else to do fast man... or else i'll soon die on WoW again... now I'm just w8ing for WoTLK to release man... once it does... WoW here i come full time man! haha they amazing thing is... i abit sick and tired of my bitch man... althou my she more geared den my dude... i kinda find my dude more fun atm... lawl... man how i missed the days where we had everyone back den... we had puss(jon), merii(marc), myheart(steph), gene(lit), amil(jim), kx, mich(myself), fanta(yip), daphne(km), yipz(wilson), tonoz(paul), yuenx(william) and last but not least angelicsyn(christine)... thou she joined us much later... haha man those were the days man... now all that are left... mich, merri, fanta... everyone else retired... 

well today was rather funny in WoW... some lock scolded me just cos they kicked me out from the party and i got pissed and wiped the entire party... haha it went something like this.

krados: ccb

me: knnbccb

me: you think onli you know how to scold ah?

krados: fuck u la....cb noob shit

me: not interested in you... go fuck someone else

LAWL after tht he never msg me liao... banged right up to hes balls man! what a bloody singaporean joker... must be a freaking nerd that hides behind the screen... i wonder if he has any balls in the first place... lawl... oh wells atleast i know i'll be WoW-ing for awhile to keep things off my mind... thou i've got plenty to worry right now... but hey who am i kidding? no worries man... i aint gonna die that easily, gonna take alot more den this to kill me off... err well i hope so? haha well thats all for todae man. Ciao!

Wounded...Bleeding...

All that has happend... at last could the end be near? could my insignificant presence finally be coming to an end? what else is there left? i've lost all significant interest... wounded? yes... and its not closing... bleeding slowly, till there's no more blood left to spill... being crushed slowly under the mighty weight... i can barely stand... right now i'm standing for 2 purpose only... forcing myself to carry on... but once these 2 purpose crumbles... i will surely fall... sometimes i wonder how much more can i go on... after all i'm just but a ordinary human being... eventually my body and mind will give way... i've taken quite a beating no physically, but emotionally and mentally... my mental barrier can no longer protect me... its been crushed by him. all i've left is just me, myself and her...

now i just hope my wounds can heal... hopefully it will, i'm using what is left to pull thru this tough time... and apparently this is the toughest time in my 23years of existence. May God save me.

A situation, History repeating itself?

hmm... been a long time since i blogged.. i think certain things have certainly improved... but still i face the problems... and now i stand face to face with history again... what has happend years ago is happening again... everything is the same... same setup, same situation, just different people involved... i wonder what would the outcome be this time round... will I fail just like the last time round? or will something different happen this time round? regardless I am afraid, so very afraid to lose everything... to lose those that are precious to me... esp her... what should I do? i'm confused... so very confused... lost and empty... may GOD help me.

Someone shoot me already

Amagad! will someone just shoot me already... this is getting crappier by the day... omg emotional unstability...JUST WTF IS GOING ON... this whole damm thing is bullshit, i just wonder how much longer can my mask last before cracking... I rather someone shoot me before my mask breaks apart. problems aplenty, so run away and fight another day? bullshit there wouldnt be another day... it's over man this is way way way way way too much for me to handle... FOR FARKS SAKE LOOK @ THE FARKING PROBLEMS
1.Family (Big pain in the @SS)
2.Love life (It sucks to be a libra)
3.Emo shit (Dun farking ask me I also dunno why)
4.Lonely? now wtf is that kind of problem>
5.Insignificant presence (Oh yeah thats the real deal baby)

*pulls out his Desert Eagle, points it to his head and pulls the trigger...BANG!* if only things were that easy... life is so insignificant now, doesnt really matter to me anymore with what happens... I think I had enough liao, this is so fucked...

Is everything an Illusion?

Another truth has been revealed in the on raging saga within the family... I'm confused more then ever now, I've totally lost my confidence in da family... I no longer know what is going on... ironic isn't it? how I so totally used to the game of deception and betrayal, get knocked off my seat in this saga just like that, thrown into disarray... family is suppose to be united eh? well the way I see it now its just me, myself and I man... I dont even know who I can trust now... looks like all I can trust is myself now... I guess that is just the way to survive now... so what I've seen all these years is just an illusion? how great... my life an illusion... fantastic... so what is real? Has my whole life been a lie? I think only time will tell... until den I guess I just have to find my way around this whole damm shlt hole.

Purpose and Significant Presence disappearing..

Been afew days now since I blogged huh... So much has happend in these few days since I blogged... to be honest I really haven been paying twinkie a visit lately... on top of that I've been going home much too... I guess I'm too sick and tired of the scene @ home... the lies, deceit, deception and betrayal... a game I'm all too familiar with, and now I feel I've come to a stand still... just living life from day to day... not caring if I live or die the next day... just taking it as it comes... if you live you live if you die you die... what difference does it make? focus? I think i've lost it... i cant focus nor concentrate anymore... I seem distracted in whatever I do... why dont someone just take a gun and shoot me... and it'll all be over... Why must my life revolve around deceit, deception and betrayal... I've been faithful but yet deceit, deception and betrayal revolves around me... are that faithful meant to be betrayed? If so why then should I continue to be faithful? a walk down memory lane huh... now I see how I've been so dumb... maybe I should just go to where I feel free, I think its beckoning me over once again... i think i can hear it...

Cool interesting Yesterday and a 1/2 Screwed Today

O.o past few days been pretty exciting! well other then school shlt and all, been hanging out alot too which is good because it really helps me to take my mind off certain issues, well atleast for the time being... oh well who cares? I know I dont, wahaha oh wells shall journal about WHAT happend yesterdae...wahaha well school was boring... so I aint gonna write on that boring shlt, but after that was INTERESTING... alot of funny and *ahem* other things happend... well basically we had lunch @ amk hub (well I aint telling ya whos the WE here, those that know shhh...) lol I had meatball Spag, and SHE had...what was it...oh yes fish and wedges..lawl I guess after that we roamed around like lost sheeps man... lol oh yeah we wanted to play K-pool... but tooo bad she cant go in whahaha... so farni man... In the end we decided to go watch movieeee instead! well... the movieeee was NC-16 wahaha poor her... BUT she managed to sneak in amazing... err.. no la I think is the people slack over there... thats why haha... well we watched WANTED and it was good real good I liked the blood splattering scenes... haha *SPLAT* the most interesting part is the last line man... "SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?" I was like wtf was that and she couldn't stop laughing man, it was just so lame... what a "shocker"... next stop... back to wandering like lost sheeps again... but hey this time we had someone extra... lawl aint saying who he is...go fig it out... haha wells we had dinner @ MOS burger (didnt know MOS had a burger outlet...lawl) after which we headed back to K-POOL well this time she could enter... amazing huh... eek not really my night I lost 2 games to him... kinda shucks... well I think we played 5 games or so? then we packed for the night liao... He went home, I sent her back w8 for her to change( lawl go back change and go out again...haha) den walked her to yck station and that was about that... aint going into more details... wahaha

Now for today... HOLY MAMA I woke up feeling beri beri beri beri blue todae... so yeah didnt pay twinkie a visit today... haha went to the bank to try and reslove that stupid unauthorize transaction... oh wells its going to take sometime anyways... might head on out again laters... man wtf is wrong with me feeling so blue and all that emo shlt... well only half the day has passed... another 1/2 to go... it better be an interesting half man... or I'm so going to emo badly... ciao hope for the best... (in a dilemma i think? ahh screw that dun think so much..)

Wonderful Monday

Woah! wonderful monday haha, woke up feeling alittle lazy... lazy monday! well day past really slowly man... but see the action begins in the evening!!! haha couldn't wait to get out of my house man... i was like waiting till about 345pm to leave house haha... oh wells we celebrated geraldine's Bdae @ pastamania bishan haha man it was 1 fantastic evening woot! ate until quite full man :) after that we went walk walk played arcade haha usual stuff I guess... then it all boiled down to me and richard left haha... we went to amk hub to hang out... and guess who we saw? lawl we bumped into liting (well I hoped I got the spelling right...lawl) and we hung out till da wee hours in the morning... lawl lots of funny things happend, man it was a good laugh... lawl look @ it time... and I still got class later @ 930... full dae summore... *gulp* I'm so so so dead... haha

Free, Breakthrough

Hmm... the day started in a pretty weird way for me, woke up @ 1035 and headed on down to amk hub... to play ARCADE! kind of weird right? well i got back @ about 130... had lunch and @ about 230 i went into my usual sunday afternoon slumber... Man I had the same dream again! how spot on can it get... woot sometime wierd is going on definately.. well I shared it with edmund and richard and guess what? edmund told me he had a similar dream 2days back... okay... interesting but wierd... oh wells lets cut the unimportant stuff out shall we?

Haha I had my breakthrough I've been longing for!! I've finally got my breakthrough on my fear of rejection! YEAH!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!! Praise the LORD!! now i feel FREE no longer burdened!!! HAHA!! HE sure knows how to do things with a bang! WOW.

Do I really belong else where?

Hmmm... no matter how hard I try, I always feel I'm different from others... the way I think, the way I do things, the way I interact... it's just so different... no similarities at... do I really belong here? I am quiet because my views will never be accepted, I think I am happy just watching from behind. maybe I should just observe, talk less... because I really dont think that my views are required... If I have to change so that I'll be accepted, then I rather walk away... is there really no place that I can feel comfortable? is there really no where that I will be accepted as myself? Right now I'm just keeping my own ass nice and warm... but how long can I go on like this? Identity? just who am I? Why am I so so so different from my peers? 1 year is all I give myself... Harsh? yes, I dont have a choice anymore... how I progress from now till next june/july will all determine where I'll be... Maybe when I leave I wouldn't come back anymore... I just cant help but think that I belong else where... Maybe I should have taken my dad's offer sometime back and gone to Vegas to study.

Manhood... well it does make some sense... so which means I really dont have a choice this time huh... I've got to do it all once again... yes it hurts, painful memories coming back... but in order to grow I must press on... pressing on even though it hurts? yeah maybe I've already gotten used to the hurt that it becomes a norm... like an everyday affair thing...

Thank You GOD! You are faithful even when we are faithless. somehow problems seems aplenty and I seem to be drowning in them... I can hardly keep myself afloat man... But GOD is faithful and all I need to do is pull my good for nothing ass out of this mess... well easier said then done... looks like its going back to square 1, slowly solving 1 mess @ a time... oh boy here we go again... same old stuff, GOD what is it that you want me to learn from all this?

Letting it all go from my control...

Hello... well I guess nothing much really happend to me for the entire week other then feeling dead and lifeless BUT GOD has been faithful even when I'm faithless! I've been blessed financially!! Amen, Praise the LORD! well I definately need to work harder in certain areas of my life, but 1st and fore most I need to let everything go from my own control into HIS hands... servanthood... an area I'm not too comfortable but yet I have to start getting comfortable, imagine after all those years of having people serve you, then all of a sudden its your turn to serve people... its hard for me to sallow BUT I can do it through HIM who gives me strength!
well I'm definately looking forward to my growth in this area and as well as my overall growth! it seems that I'm slowly begining to identify more problem areas but up till now I have really solved all... if this keeps up how will I ever solve all? hmmm.... maybe thats the reason why I have the gift of FAITH. Whoooo... life is so full of surprises, either you take it or you crumble.

Here we go again...

well... here we go again... I've just hit the low spot once again... it really does suck to be at the low point, everything seems dead an uninteresting... what's worst, I'm doing things that I know its wrong and shouldn't even think of it much less do it... I really really really need to pull my ass out of this state fast... but right now I just seem so out of sorts... to make matters worst school is starting next week... my oh my, how am I ever going to pull myself out of this slump before school starts.... well as much as I hate to admit it, I really need some help here.... but stubborn as a mule, i'll prolly say "its okay, no big deal at all, nothing I cant handle (with a huge smile there)"
Oh Lord I need some help here... please send help, I'm sinking...I'm drowning... *argh!*

I've just realised that my tolerance for my grandma's nonsense is rather on the short fused... man she'll drive me nuts if I stay on any longer @ her house man... within 24hours I had to answer her the same question about 3-4 times... amagad! terrible terrible... but I guess I cant blame her though, she's getting on with age... sometimes I wonder how much longer does she has on this world... and how much longer I have to share the gospel and see her get saved... Once again time is ticking... Once again I need to shape up and act fast. Boy oh boy here we go again.

A decision to make....

hmm... seems like another slow slow day, another meaningless day passing by... well I had lunch with Richard @ 608 today haha I guess we had a rather fruitful convo :) after that I went home to sleep!!!! yes sleep!!! I guess I wasnt in shape to do anything else. well i woke up just in time to go for dinner! haha and boy oh boy what a fantastic dinner it was! I had my favourite CHILLI CRABS!!! ooo-la-la!!! check that out baby! well after that my day just reverted back into an uninteresting one... life is boring @ the moment, nothing to spice up my life... maybe when school starts things might just get alittle more interesting? hmmm... I dont really know what will happen, how will things change for the worst or for the better...

Decisions,decisions,decisions... an important one I have to make,
Soon it must be or destroyed I will be,
Faithless as I am now or Faithful I should be,
Lost as I am or Found I shall be,
In the darkness or in the light,
Filled with fear or be filled with courage,
Run away or stand and fight,
My weakness forever or My strength it will be,
Stagnate as I am or Grow I shall,
So important is this decision.

Changes...

Slow day it has been... went to watch KungFu Panda in the afternoon with wanfong and penny @ amk hub haha the show is pretty funny! so yeah guys go watch it if u want some laughter!

I feel I'm changing into someone I dont know,
I feel that things wont be the same anymore,
The world I live in, the world I'm comfortable in will all disappear soon,
I'm losing all that I've nurtured over the years,
Everything I've believed in over the years are begining to hurt me,
All that i've learnt in the past is it just but a mere illusion?
Torn between what I've believed and I've come to believe,
A sacrifice I have to make, a decision I have made,
Once again I've come to love, despite telling myself never to love again,
Again a wall too high appears, again I might fall,
Once again I must fight, gone are the days of hiding,
A final challenge, the last time I must give my all,
In God I trust, by my own strength I do not trust,
I cannot turn back now, in you my LORD I entrust myself.

How is it that I could love again?
I've told myself that I would never feel for another like that again,
Now I must face myself once more, now I must go through pain and hurt,
A problem I had left behind returns, I dont want to love another like that again,
But why does it come back to me again, I dont want to be hurt,
How could it be that I have fallen for one without knowing why?
I'm scared to even make the 1st move, its not like me to react this way,
I do not know what to do anymore, I'm lost.

Back in action!

Hellooooo people! i'm back in action again after having no internet connection for 3days! haha i was staying @ grandma's for 3 days which explains why i haven't been blogging. Haha things are going smoothly, lots of great things has happend and i'm sure there is more to come as i continue my walk with GOD (praise the LORD!). Haha in the mist of all the burdens and problems came help from an unexpected source...my aunt (Thank You God!)... as i was spending time with my grandma, my aunt popped by and i took this opportunity to share my problems with her, and what she said to me really took me by surprise! i was completely shocked but yet happy that i was able to receive such an insight! she shared with me Eph 6:10-18 and told me that it is not the flesh and blood that i should be fighting, but it is the one behind him that i should be fighting... which boils down to Spiritual Warfare!!! this has really taken my perspective to a whole new level something beyond i could realise it on my own...how blinded have i become? Thank You LORD for sending help and encouragement in my times of need. I feel that i am really blessed to know that there are others who cares and are concerned about my well being physically and spiritually :) Thank you everyone!! knowing that alone already gives me the motivation and courage to continue!! (Thank You GOD!! Praise the LORD!!)

Last but not least, the past week has been one amazing roller coaster ride! i actually managed to got to church every morning faithfully for prayer meeting!!! haha i really can do all things through Christ!!! HE has strenghten my discipline to wake up early WITHOUT grumbling!!! Praise the LORD!!! i've attained a new level in my discipline!!! and also I've begun to LOVE praying!!! woot!!!! Amen!!! the LORD is WONDERFUL!!! I definately need to rise up to another level again and i hope its going to be soon!!! i just cant wait!!

A great opportunity, and also hope to be given up...

Hmm... though it may suck having to stay @ grandma's for 3days without the internet... i guess theres something else that i can do, i mean like well i obviously can take this opportunity to draw closer to GOD so i guess somehow its also good :) bad part is i've i got a long journey to church every morning... haha i really hope i can grow well and learn from this time that GOD has set aside for me...

Somehow i feel like giving up in the situation i'm in.... somehow i just feel very discourage, because i really cant see any hope right now... i just feel so distant, hmm... i guess that is just life... holy spirit come and guide and teach me....

Thank You GOD!

A new discipline instilled...

haha it was kind of amazing how i managed to wake up @ 515am without telling myself okay i give up i'm too tired... lets do this tomorrow... wow its just simply great to be able to wake up that early just to go church for prayer meetings... man fantastic! haha well prayer meeting was great, you could really feel the atmosphere being different and all... and boy oh boy the turn out was much much more than i initially expected! Amen! Praise the Lord! Haha well the rest of the day was fun! i mean i never had this much fun in years man... having the whole morning available and all haha sure is fun... thou i sure am a horrible singer... but i guess i really had fun @ Kbox.. maybe we shld do it more often yeah? LOLOL! anyhows met richard later in the night had some time of sharing, but i felt kinda dry after that... kinda frustrated at myself... i guess that feeling just came naturally to me... but anyhows i guess i'm over it... somehow i felt alot better after chatting with you over the phone... thanks alot! (and Thank You GOD!) yes althou you some how managed to make me promise something...lawl i just wonder how do you do it... whats the trick behind it... care to share? haha...

Thank You GOD for making my day such a wonderful one, and also Thank You for teaching me and guiding me Holy Spirit :) Tomorrow will be a greater day! everyday shall be a new encounter with GOD! :) Amen!!!

Though Times ahead...

I can see the times ahead will not be an easy one... infact it is going to be very very though for me and my mum especially... because we know the truth, it hurts and disappoints us alot but i guess that is life, we've got a choice and i choose to live in the truth no matter how painful it gets.
Lost and heavily burdened with my family affairs and not only that there are certain issues of the heart that i'm sad and burdened, but its okay GOD is gracious and merciful i will stand strong and go on walking no matter how heavy and tiring my burdens get :) haha i can do all things through Christ who is within me :)

I guess rising up as a leader isnt easy, with all this kind of crap happening in my family and my life... i thought i would have already given up, but GOD sure knows how to keep me going i guess.. haha GOD sure is amazing. I mean like my family is more or less screwed, my own life is still getting back on track, my loveeee life is still some what near darn invicible(prolly not going to go into this point for now, perhaps in the later stages.)... this kind of things really just bogs you down making you want to give up and say "Okay its over, I'm finished there isn't a point in fighting anymore, lets just call it." BUT out of all this i'm making progress in my spiritual life! i'm growing every single day, i'm loving GOD more and more everyday! Amen praise the LORD! "seek first the kingdom of GOD and everything shall be added on to you."

I believe that ultimately one day everything will be fine... all that is in a mess right now will be fine in time to come. GOD please hear me out, i'm desperate... i need you... i'm wounded, i'm broken... i'm nothing.

Cross Roads...

Oh boy... what an eventful day i would say... heated exchanges in the morning really spoilt my day man... but oh wells i guess it was meant to be... man i tried to wear my mask but i guess it didnt work... i could hard smile for the 1st half of the day... during service i was kinda heartbroken i guess... especially when pastor talked about respect,provision,protection,love... oh oh wells i guess thats how my life is suppose to be? atleast during the 2nd half of the day i felt alot better after knowing what i want... which is standing firm that i can no longer live a lie even if it is going to cost me everything... even if i have to lose my earthly father...

well we went to play pool... which was fun... i guess todae i no form? also maybe todae i feeling generous... most of the time i was like "pang chiu" haha... after tht as usually go home lor... suprisingly the gate wasnt padlock... but still i guess i better start looking for an alternative shelter just to be safe... haha... anyways i reach drop off my bag den go for supper liao? haha i guess i really needed a break away ba...man the language was really free following i guess.. and in a way i guess it felt good ba... haha i guess i'm tired ba, ciao time to koonz! thou i haven bathe yet la... too tired i guess.

A wonderful and unpleasant Friday

Oooo i love fridays! yeah fridays are great because its the start of weekends..anyway exam results are out, i'm happy with my results although i failed maths haha but its good that i passed eng and mpo... atleast i'll only repeat 1 module so i guess it aint so bad (GOD is gracious!), Had lunch with Richard at 608 today... haha i had jap food and well i didnt quite like it to be honest... i was actually kinda disappointed..(blame those numbskull brothers of mine keep telling me it aint bad..grr) but oh wells i guess maybe there wouldn't be a second time? haha...

Gathering @ Ben's place! haha man we (me, jasmine and penny) got lost on our way to Ben's place... we sort off ended up in pasir ris... thats way way off course... haha so yeah we ended up taking a cab to Ben's place and guess what? Jam on the TPE... some driver dunno how to drive go bang another car den tht car banged another car... end up 3 cars involved.. haha poor car in the middle... (u can imagine..) well we finally reached Ben's place @ ard 7 i guess? (praise the lord!) haha... well the food was great, the fellowship was great and best of all we celebrated Richard's Bdae! haha.. all went well till it was time to go back... which was around 1030... thats when things turned bad for me... stupid home having all the problems and crap like that (oh wells i'm sure GOD will take care of it.)... really made me pissed and sad... but oh wells eventually i was persuaded to go home (well you know who you are :p Thanks alot! and Thank You GOD!)... when i got home everything was @ peace (Thanks GOD) well thats all for now... tml will be another story...( i really hope all will be fine...)

THANK YOU GOD!

Beginings of something great.

i must say i've took a long time to get back on track with GOD, but ever since i've made the decision to get back on track, i feel i've been progressing at a steady pace... but i feel the urge and the need to grow at an even faster pace, my passion and drive for JESUS has never been this strong and i'm happy that it is strong ") the road ahead is a long and harsh road... but hey who cares? if GOD is with me who can be against me? I guess everything began when i decided to settle down in City Harvest Church, i really began to experience GOD on a whole different level. Its like i've done so many horrible things, some of which i could never really forgive myself in the past... not until i decided to come back to GOD.. was when i could really forgive myself through the grace of GOD and his mercy.

I came back to GOD wounded, Shattered, Broken, But GOD who loved me for who i am healed me and ultimately accepted and forgave my sins... like all children we tend to rebel at times and disobey our parents but GOD loved us so much he sent his only son JESUS to die for us so that we may be saved. Everytime we sin against him, he feels very sad and hurt but yet through his grace and mercies for us he forgives us. who are we that should GOD do all this for us? I've come to the fact that it is because we're his creation, his children thats why he has done all this for us despite the fact that we have sinned time and time again, like a father who loves his rebellious child. God has never and will never FORSAKE me but it was i who chose to FORSAKE him, but still he accepted me when i cried out to him... still he forgave me... still he healed me.

As i grew along the way i was reminded about alot of things in the past... how i first started off to point when my flame was extinguished which ultimately led me to backslide... with all these bad experiences coming back to me... i realised i had the choice to either let it be a stepping stone for me to do greater things for GOD or let it be a foothold for satan to pull me back... yes those were hurting moments and the events that followed after... but now i choose to see those experiences as a learning point, a testimonial to GOD's greatness of how he has healed and pick me up from the ashes of my own destruction... a reminder of GOD's grace and mercy.

Ever since then i feel i've been blessed by GOD, i was given the 2nd chance to rise up for GOD... I responded to his 2nd calling... yes i turned away from my 1st calling many years ago to rise up for GOD... and by that step of faith that i took to rise up for GOD on the 2nd calling, i felt i've released myself from that nutshell i holed myself up in ever since she left me... i felt that i could do alot more for GOD. I feel that i'm somehow transforming into something great... leadership qualities that i once had are slowly being recovered from the abyss that i've discarded in. I can feel a revival happening around me... in the church and the cell group, GOD is definately moving within us and something great will happen. After i responded to the 2nd calling i felt the urgency to pray for the youths, felt as if that GOD is telling me to pray for the youths to be more driven and on fire for HIM, i felt the urgency to rise up and lead the younger generation into the great things to come from GOD.

I guess I didnt have to wait too long for an opportunity to rise up. There was a youth camp being organized and at first I telling myself well its for youths and i'm overaged... so I really was contemplating if I should go... i was actually trying to find more excuses to not go then reason to go! I mean its like since Brendan and Joel are going, it should be enough since they are leaders it really shouldn't be much of a problem (haha no offence guys if your reading it) and also i was thinking that it wouldn't make much of a difference if i went or not... I guess everything changed when i found out they would only be joining the team after their classes ended... and that only Ben and Jasmine would be around to lead the team on in Brendan and Joel's absence.. that was when I felt I should go to the camp and give my support too, and so it was i decided to go for the camp, (well my personal objectives for the camp were to support the team and learn atleast something from that experience... haha i never had the intention of going to the camp for the fun installed.) and beside my mum was urging me to go for the camp too since i had nothing to do. (Praise the Lord!)

Well i wouldn't really write much about the camp itself but instead i'm going to write more about what I've learnt from the camp. (i just realised that i'm getting alil draggy in this post haha...) GOD sure has everything planned nicely for me, i mean i really wanted an opportunity to rise up for HIM and he made it in such a way that i really had to rise up its as if i didnt have a choice haha what a way but i'm glad i was given that opportunity. i guess i really learnt and rediscoverd my leadership qualities that i've lost, (well actually i chose to deny those qualities.) I really believed GOD has taken my patience and understanding level up 1 notch. I also really learnt to be a team player this time round, (i really used to be a lone ranger type of fellow... u can ask edmund.) and also i rediscovered my desire to lead. well there is 1 more thing that i rediscovered... but that is going to be a personal secret between me, a brother and GOD for now haha... I really want to thank Ben (he thought me how to not allow pesonal feelings get in the way :p) and especially Jasmine (she really said alot of things to me which really made me go into deep thoughts.) for without them i would not have be able to learn what i have learnt and rediscover what i have lost so many years ago.. so a VERY BIG THANK YOU TO BOTH OF YOU!!!

Ultimately, THANK YOU GOD for allowing me to go for the camp and also for the things you have done in my life, THANK YOU JESUS for saving me, THANK YOU HOLY SPIRIT for guiding me!!!