Hmmm... no matter how hard I try, I always feel I'm different from others... the way I think, the way I do things, the way I interact... it's just so different... no similarities at... do I really belong here? I am quiet because my views will never be accepted, I think I am happy just watching from behind. maybe I should just observe, talk less... because I really dont think that my views are required... If I have to change so that I'll be accepted, then I rather walk away... is there really no place that I can feel comfortable? is there really no where that I will be accepted as myself? Right now I'm just keeping my own ass nice and warm... but how long can I go on like this? Identity? just who am I? Why am I so so so different from my peers? 1 year is all I give myself... Harsh? yes, I dont have a choice anymore... how I progress from now till next june/july will all determine where I'll be... Maybe when I leave I wouldn't come back anymore... I just cant help but think that I belong else where... Maybe I should have taken my dad's offer sometime back and gone to Vegas to study.
Manhood... well it does make some sense... so which means I really dont have a choice this time huh... I've got to do it all once again... yes it hurts, painful memories coming back... but in order to grow I must press on... pressing on even though it hurts? yeah maybe I've already gotten used to the hurt that it becomes a norm... like an everyday affair thing...
Thank You GOD! You are faithful even when we are faithless. somehow problems seems aplenty and I seem to be drowning in them... I can hardly keep myself afloat man... But GOD is faithful and all I need to do is pull my good for nothing ass out of this mess... well easier said then done... looks like its going back to square 1, slowly solving 1 mess @ a time... oh boy here we go again... same old stuff, GOD what is it that you want me to learn from all this?
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