The Past, The Present, The Future

Its just been a few days since I decided to slide on back towards God and changes within me has been going on, not only changes but also more internal conflicts... but I guess it's okay, I think I can handle them on my own for now. Temptations are aplenty and so far I guess I'm resisting them fine. Hope it stays that way... yes I know the road will not be an easy one and also changes will be inevitable and more so the pain that will come along with it, but I guess I'm up to the task after all I guess I'm no stranger to pain. I guess after reading brother Edmund's blog... I sort of reflected on how far has God brought me too... well I guess studying in a mission school for a good 11 years has allowed me to grow up in a Christian environment and mind you I was sent to Acension kindergarten it too taught Christian values... hmm.. now it seems that 1/2 my life so far I was brought up in an Christian Environment. Back then I was young and really didnt know who jesus was and what was his purpose, you know the funny thing is I responded to altar call without knowing what it was all about.. I just had this feeling that I've got to go there, its as if a dormant part of me was suddenly awake and telling me, "Marcus you've got to go, this is something you really really don't want to miss out"... really sounds bizarre right? But I guess over the years I've come to know who Jesus is and what was his purpose.. now here's something that happened to me on a few occasions... well I've had no less than 3 people telling the same thing, I will do many great and wonderful things for God... at that age I was like "what?! are you crazy?? I'm just an ordinary guy how can I possibly do great and wonderful things for God?" even now I'm like "woah lets just take 1 step at a time, how am I suppose to do great and wonderful things for God when I don't even know my own talents? and further more I'm not in very good shape." But I guess well God being God, nothing is impossible for him :)

Hey now don't laugh at me just because I don't know my own talents... seriously sometimes I even wonder do I even have any talents... imo i feel like I'm more of a jack of all trades, master of none... maybe in time to come God will change that? well atleast I do hope he would. hmm... brother Edmund did tell me to rise up and all... and I was like "what?! rise up?! NOW?! you've got to be kidding me... just as when I've gotten naise and comfy in my chair you're telling me to get my butt off that wonderful chair..." haha I guess that was kinda typical of me, seriously I mean who likes to get out of their comfort zones and all... but I guess well he does have a point, and well knowing me for a good 15 years atleast he sure does know how to hit the soft where he knows I'll respond.. you cheeky fellow... sometimes you play dirty you know that? haha. well I guess in all I know what I want for now, and there's alot of work to be done... gonna have to pick up all the pieces again. Rebuilding to greatness in progress.

Haha I think I can plan for the future once again, or rather I'm begining to feel that I still can achieve the future I want :) though I do not know what lies ahead but I am sure that God will be with me throughout the whole journey. What is it that I want in life? well I guess for now I want to serve God to the best of my abilities, able to grad with a degree and settle down @ 28. woah yes it's 28... it may come as a shocker to most... but yes i'm serious its 28 man... most of you people might be thinking "what?! you? settling down @ 28? you gotta be kidding man given your playful nature and all most would think that you wouldn't even plan to settle down man." well sorry people i too thought I wouldn't settle down too... but you see things change and well someone came along and now I'm working on it to make it all come to pass... I guess this is my goal and my future I would like to have and yes alot of overcoming of fears and hard work is needed in order to achieve this. Don't get me wrong man I get scared when it comes down to afew things like, Studying, Decision making and getting into a relationship with the girl i really really really like alot... now don't laugh here... you might think "but what?! you've already been in and out of relationships man this should be like something that is the norm for you so why in the world you getting scared?!" but let me tell you something I'm just like everyone else that gets scared so yeah don't ask me why... cos there is a part of me that isnt for just anyone to know, only those who are special to me will get to know it.

-mich