Eternal Hatred

I hate you all! my hate is so strong for all of you that i shall take it along with even to my death bed! WHY DID BOTH YOU EVEN BRING ME INTO THIS WORLD FOR?! all that you both have given are nothing but suffering! BOTH OF YOU ARE ULTIMATE FAILURES! and it shall be so even till the day both of you die! I HATE BOTH OF YOU!!! DONT EVER CALL ME SON ANYMORE!! I HATE I HATE I HATE!

collapsing from within, could there still be hope?

hmm... nothing much has improved... instead matters got worst... i'm losing it soon, crumbling from within i can feel... man my net has fucked me real bad over the past few days, pay so much for this kind of FUCKED UP service... balls to you singnet... oh wells @least i'm getting a new comp this thursdae... well hopefully i guess... things dont look so great atm, struggling to stay afloat in every department i guess, i long to rest but i cant no matter how tired i am... every night i sleep 2-4hrs max, and even then they arent peaceful ones... i wake up every now and then, my mind constantly thinks, i cant stop myself... too many problems i cant keep up, its getting heavier by the day... when will i at last collapse? a truth from a lie and a lie from a truth... i no longer know how to tell the difference... there is no sanctuary for me, only the harsh world... i have no place to hide and rest. will someone offer me sanctuary? no i guess not, no one knows how i feel or what i've been through... and no one will ever be bothered anyways.

All seems lost... i do not see a glimmer of hope... there is no light, only the eternal darkness of the abyss awaits. i have lost my light and soon my strength... i am but just an ordinary human being... i too will get tired, i too will get hurt, i too have feelings but soon i'll prolly just be that emotionless guy once more... numbed to all hurt, anger, joy, love, jealousy, hatred, happiness.

a slightly interesting day but uneventful week

oh man life's in a mess... very thing is a mess right now :x man i hate this kinda stuff man, gotta slowly piece everything back together again, its kinda tiring but hey i aint got a choice now here do I? lawl guess what? I've been WoW-ing alot lately man... seems like the good old days are coming back again... well it could be a bad thing... but @least it helps me get a whole load of shlt of my mind man... I wun have to constantly think of this and think of that... what a pain in da @ss it can be sometimes... haha I think i need to find something else to do fast man... or else i'll soon die on WoW again... now I'm just w8ing for WoTLK to release man... once it does... WoW here i come full time man! haha they amazing thing is... i abit sick and tired of my bitch man... althou my she more geared den my dude... i kinda find my dude more fun atm... lawl... man how i missed the days where we had everyone back den... we had puss(jon), merii(marc), myheart(steph), gene(lit), amil(jim), kx, mich(myself), fanta(yip), daphne(km), yipz(wilson), tonoz(paul), yuenx(william) and last but not least angelicsyn(christine)... thou she joined us much later... haha man those were the days man... now all that are left... mich, merri, fanta... everyone else retired... 

well today was rather funny in WoW... some lock scolded me just cos they kicked me out from the party and i got pissed and wiped the entire party... haha it went something like this.

krados: ccb

me: knnbccb

me: you think onli you know how to scold ah?

krados: fuck u la....cb noob shit

me: not interested in you... go fuck someone else

LAWL after tht he never msg me liao... banged right up to hes balls man! what a bloody singaporean joker... must be a freaking nerd that hides behind the screen... i wonder if he has any balls in the first place... lawl... oh wells atleast i know i'll be WoW-ing for awhile to keep things off my mind... thou i've got plenty to worry right now... but hey who am i kidding? no worries man... i aint gonna die that easily, gonna take alot more den this to kill me off... err well i hope so? haha well thats all for todae man. Ciao!

Wounded...Bleeding...

All that has happend... at last could the end be near? could my insignificant presence finally be coming to an end? what else is there left? i've lost all significant interest... wounded? yes... and its not closing... bleeding slowly, till there's no more blood left to spill... being crushed slowly under the mighty weight... i can barely stand... right now i'm standing for 2 purpose only... forcing myself to carry on... but once these 2 purpose crumbles... i will surely fall... sometimes i wonder how much more can i go on... after all i'm just but a ordinary human being... eventually my body and mind will give way... i've taken quite a beating no physically, but emotionally and mentally... my mental barrier can no longer protect me... its been crushed by him. all i've left is just me, myself and her...

now i just hope my wounds can heal... hopefully it will, i'm using what is left to pull thru this tough time... and apparently this is the toughest time in my 23years of existence. May God save me.

A situation, History repeating itself?

hmm... been a long time since i blogged.. i think certain things have certainly improved... but still i face the problems... and now i stand face to face with history again... what has happend years ago is happening again... everything is the same... same setup, same situation, just different people involved... i wonder what would the outcome be this time round... will I fail just like the last time round? or will something different happen this time round? regardless I am afraid, so very afraid to lose everything... to lose those that are precious to me... esp her... what should I do? i'm confused... so very confused... lost and empty... may GOD help me.

Someone shoot me already

Amagad! will someone just shoot me already... this is getting crappier by the day... omg emotional unstability...JUST WTF IS GOING ON... this whole damm thing is bullshit, i just wonder how much longer can my mask last before cracking... I rather someone shoot me before my mask breaks apart. problems aplenty, so run away and fight another day? bullshit there wouldnt be another day... it's over man this is way way way way way too much for me to handle... FOR FARKS SAKE LOOK @ THE FARKING PROBLEMS
1.Family (Big pain in the @SS)
2.Love life (It sucks to be a libra)
3.Emo shit (Dun farking ask me I also dunno why)
4.Lonely? now wtf is that kind of problem>
5.Insignificant presence (Oh yeah thats the real deal baby)

*pulls out his Desert Eagle, points it to his head and pulls the trigger...BANG!* if only things were that easy... life is so insignificant now, doesnt really matter to me anymore with what happens... I think I had enough liao, this is so fucked...

Is everything an Illusion?

Another truth has been revealed in the on raging saga within the family... I'm confused more then ever now, I've totally lost my confidence in da family... I no longer know what is going on... ironic isn't it? how I so totally used to the game of deception and betrayal, get knocked off my seat in this saga just like that, thrown into disarray... family is suppose to be united eh? well the way I see it now its just me, myself and I man... I dont even know who I can trust now... looks like all I can trust is myself now... I guess that is just the way to survive now... so what I've seen all these years is just an illusion? how great... my life an illusion... fantastic... so what is real? Has my whole life been a lie? I think only time will tell... until den I guess I just have to find my way around this whole damm shlt hole.

Purpose and Significant Presence disappearing..

Been afew days now since I blogged huh... So much has happend in these few days since I blogged... to be honest I really haven been paying twinkie a visit lately... on top of that I've been going home much too... I guess I'm too sick and tired of the scene @ home... the lies, deceit, deception and betrayal... a game I'm all too familiar with, and now I feel I've come to a stand still... just living life from day to day... not caring if I live or die the next day... just taking it as it comes... if you live you live if you die you die... what difference does it make? focus? I think i've lost it... i cant focus nor concentrate anymore... I seem distracted in whatever I do... why dont someone just take a gun and shoot me... and it'll all be over... Why must my life revolve around deceit, deception and betrayal... I've been faithful but yet deceit, deception and betrayal revolves around me... are that faithful meant to be betrayed? If so why then should I continue to be faithful? a walk down memory lane huh... now I see how I've been so dumb... maybe I should just go to where I feel free, I think its beckoning me over once again... i think i can hear it...

Cool interesting Yesterday and a 1/2 Screwed Today

O.o past few days been pretty exciting! well other then school shlt and all, been hanging out alot too which is good because it really helps me to take my mind off certain issues, well atleast for the time being... oh well who cares? I know I dont, wahaha oh wells shall journal about WHAT happend yesterdae...wahaha well school was boring... so I aint gonna write on that boring shlt, but after that was INTERESTING... alot of funny and *ahem* other things happend... well basically we had lunch @ amk hub (well I aint telling ya whos the WE here, those that know shhh...) lol I had meatball Spag, and SHE had...what was it...oh yes fish and wedges..lawl I guess after that we roamed around like lost sheeps man... lol oh yeah we wanted to play K-pool... but tooo bad she cant go in whahaha... so farni man... In the end we decided to go watch movieeee instead! well... the movieeee was NC-16 wahaha poor her... BUT she managed to sneak in amazing... err.. no la I think is the people slack over there... thats why haha... well we watched WANTED and it was good real good I liked the blood splattering scenes... haha *SPLAT* the most interesting part is the last line man... "SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?" I was like wtf was that and she couldn't stop laughing man, it was just so lame... what a "shocker"... next stop... back to wandering like lost sheeps again... but hey this time we had someone extra... lawl aint saying who he is...go fig it out... haha wells we had dinner @ MOS burger (didnt know MOS had a burger outlet...lawl) after which we headed back to K-POOL well this time she could enter... amazing huh... eek not really my night I lost 2 games to him... kinda shucks... well I think we played 5 games or so? then we packed for the night liao... He went home, I sent her back w8 for her to change( lawl go back change and go out again...haha) den walked her to yck station and that was about that... aint going into more details... wahaha

Now for today... HOLY MAMA I woke up feeling beri beri beri beri blue todae... so yeah didnt pay twinkie a visit today... haha went to the bank to try and reslove that stupid unauthorize transaction... oh wells its going to take sometime anyways... might head on out again laters... man wtf is wrong with me feeling so blue and all that emo shlt... well only half the day has passed... another 1/2 to go... it better be an interesting half man... or I'm so going to emo badly... ciao hope for the best... (in a dilemma i think? ahh screw that dun think so much..)

Wonderful Monday

Woah! wonderful monday haha, woke up feeling alittle lazy... lazy monday! well day past really slowly man... but see the action begins in the evening!!! haha couldn't wait to get out of my house man... i was like waiting till about 345pm to leave house haha... oh wells we celebrated geraldine's Bdae @ pastamania bishan haha man it was 1 fantastic evening woot! ate until quite full man :) after that we went walk walk played arcade haha usual stuff I guess... then it all boiled down to me and richard left haha... we went to amk hub to hang out... and guess who we saw? lawl we bumped into liting (well I hoped I got the spelling right...lawl) and we hung out till da wee hours in the morning... lawl lots of funny things happend, man it was a good laugh... lawl look @ it time... and I still got class later @ 930... full dae summore... *gulp* I'm so so so dead... haha