making a come back 1 step @ a time

wow feels like i've been hit with 1 sucker punch after coming round... zzz as much as i would like to return the favour i guess i need to pick up the peices glue them back together den give the sucker punch back....lawl okay seriously if mel hadnt talk to me, i wouldnt have come around... sheesh so i guess in life unexpected things happens when you meet unpredictable people... anyways i've always made a comeback somehow... its just a matter of when and how nia... so perhaps this time round i'll come back beautifully with a bang? hmm... interesting...

smashed, destroyed, finished

its over man nothing i did was ever enuff nor appreciated... no matter how hard i tried it was never enuff heh... a winner amoung losers a loser amoung winners... fantastic... i need to fly away... i wished i could drown away dose myself in lots of alcohol... there is no more purpose in life... no more hope, goodbye!!!! *stabs myself in da HEART*

Crisis Core

I thought things would be better if i could just look on the brighter side of things, try be normal... however a slight push of pressure and i started to feel de-stablized. now how then can I recover? those that know my condition please help me? cos I really dont know how to go about recovering... some tell me to do this and some tell me to do that, hiaz i really dont know anymore all i know is i'm about to enter in a state of crisis. its says "deadman walking" sometimes i really do feel like a deadman walking, i dont know why but i do feel that way. hiaz may god save my soul,body and mind.

an extinguished flame

Under the Crimson red sky, a heart shattered into oblivion lost forever into the abyss of pain and hurt, the light has faded and darkness reigns, gone are the days of cheery smiles and laughter come now the days of sorrow and sadness. From the Crimson red sky droplets of crimson tears rain down heavily and there he stands soaked in sadness, his eyes blinded for the light has gone wandering in the abyss of pain and hurt, the flame of hope has ceased to burn and along with it redemption was lost. Now trying to rise up again from the ashes of pain, hurt and deceit he now forges a heart of cold iron will, darkness in his eyes he has now begun the road of destruction and death, the vision and dream that was given to him, an outcast of the faith, a condemned person destine to walk the long journey alone, vengence trickles a merciless deed entices, a remorseless mind become his only sheild and weapon.

Of the 4 candles that keeps a person believing, 3 had died out and now the last and most important candle, the flame of hope has been all but extinguish and thus that person has ceased to believe.

random post

yoyo! updating after CnY? lol nothing much to update la... its been a pretty uneventful CnY lo... its like just as i predicted it to be? haha not much income this year also... recession la, haha amazingly there's still those stingy fellows out there that puts in 2 bucks man... oh wells doesnt matter thouGod provides for me anyways... as long as i stay faithful thou haha. sometimes i wonder what is it like to be a mercenary... i mean you get paid to put your life on the line for whoever pays the highest... its like loyalty being bought over, i really wonder what goes on in a mind of a merc. haha just some random thing la sif i wanna be a mercenary... haha oh wells peace out people. i'll see ya all when i do ")

New year?

hey everyone happy new year man! haha actually theres almost nothing to post haha seriously I cant think of anything to write... other then that i'm going thru a messy period... haha anyways people Have a happy new year! wishing everyone the best!!!

R.A.G.E

" Anger promotes death, Joy gives life. "

well I guess I'm pretty much angry and raging @ myself now... I guess sometimes the hardest part is forgiving oneself and not others. when you fail to forgive yourself anger and rage starts to take over, slowly wrapping ur heart and consuming you. The worst part is the more you try to control it and wrestle with it, the stronger it becomes. Anger is a powerful weapon, but what can counter it?


-marc

Tiring Day!!

" You haven't failed until you've stopped and quit. "

Woah, been one tiring day! rollerblading and playing escape theme park... is a KILLER! oh wells but I guess it was alot of fun! especially e Pirate Ship... haha darling was having sooooo much fun on that ride... while I was like screaming and nearly pissing in my pants alright... I guess its the first time darling has seen me this scared and screaming for REAL... haha but I guess its an achievement for me... haha other then that nothing really much in particular. Just a REALLY TIRING DAY!


-marc

Busy Busy Busy!!!

" Sometimes we fall, and when we fall we tend to give up hope or be disappointed, However God is always there shining the light for us to take notice. "

Woah looking busy this week, with so many events coming up! haha I cant wait for Thursday and Friday! and most of all this weekend!!! candlelight service!!! woot!! My 1st candlelight service man... I'm sure its gonna pack one huge punch!

I guess nothing is ever smooth sailing, be it maintaining friendship or even relationships. But I suppose there is one thing we can all seek delight in and that is our relationship with GOD, well his grace and mercy is more then sufficient for us. Even when we are at our most down period or like when we've been unfaithful, GOD is always there for us ready to pick us up again, or forgive us when we seek repentence. How many people is able to do such things in this world? I can almost clearly say zero? GOD is surely wonderful and magnificent.

Hey Darling:)! I just wanna say, " You are the most wonderful girlfriend that one can ever have, thank you for being there:) I love you darling!! "


-marc

" Negative mindsets begets negative results, Postive mindsets brings about a better world. "

Woah been a busy day on a sunday man... usually its like my slacking day man... but todae.. I'm cleaning all e thrash in my room... woah amazing man... seriously I would prefer to clean it up during spring cleaning... but however... e Mrs says CLEAN! haha so yeah clean lor... well it wont hurt wad right? woah boy oh boy... the dust was like... HOLY MAMA THATS ALOT OF DUST!!!

haha well still got lots to go man... packing cleaning tidying that long table of mine... and I seriously need to clear up my old clothes! too many... omg my cupboard is like overflowing with clothes!!! haha oh wells gotta go clean up now :p


-mich

random updates

" He who conquers his habits wins the mind, He who conquers the mind wins the heart, he who conquers the heart attains discipline. "

Boy oh boy... I dont even know where to start.. hmm... been one crazy week alright.. mum and dad hasnt been around for the past 2weeks... and the best part is they're flying off again nxt week! this time they going china! looks like they are pretty busy @ this time of the year... i wonder when will it be my turn to fly out of the country... haven been on a holi for ages now man... well i suppose i cant wait for 2years down the road... 2 more years and I'll be heading up to the states! well hopefully by then the economy stablizes... but yeah life isnt like a bed of roses... lots of ups and downs, but hey what we can do is to smoothen the path... make it kinda less bumpy ya know? haha.. life is always good... lots of fantastic things around... and tonnes of surprises! life just never fails to surprise me... haha

Lesson to learn

" Look forth ahead for there is no future looking back, the future is ahead not behind.
What has passed is past look ahead, for all who has accepted him have been washed clean.
The future is what he cares about. The past is now irrevelant. "

House Keeping!

Woah! this place is definately looking dusty alright... haha pardon me for not cleaning up the mess here.. haha well been really very very very busy all these while... so many things happening, changes all around... okay okay lets just head on down to the main point... I am officially attached to Jasmine Lim Shu Fen! woah!! alright man she's like the best... seriously she fits the bill perfectly and like woah.... totally sweeps me off my feet... Hurricane Inc!!!! haha... well this is definately THE ONE... i've made up my mind man... shes the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with man... haha working to a common aim! lots of hard work but thats not to gonna pull me down alright... haha DARLING I LOVE YOU!

And YES WATER BAPTISM is coming! this saturday!!! woah!!! excited!!!! i simply just cant wait its just like 2 days more man... oh wow praise the lord!! halleujah! ooooo i cant wait... all the excitement in me... my oh my... never felt this excited before... the feeling is like even better then opening your 1st birthday or christmas present man... i'm like totally blown away by the feeling itself.... and also ASIA CONFERENCE! wow wow wow wow! so many good things happening all @ one go? this is definately tooo good to be true! amazing! halleujah! this is definately going to be a great time of blessings :) surely!

I'm so definately going to love this, life is definately wonderful! I love my Lord, and also I love my darling!

Exhaustion!

Exhausted! Exhausted! Exhausted! haha my thighs are feeling rather suan now... but its all good I feel great after cycling from home to east coast and back :) yeah and guess what... Jasmine completed it the entire journey! amazing... lol I think its an achievement for her.. hmm... I think she should have shed the kilos ba... lawl... evilness haha. too bad now I have to rest fer awhile let my legs have a proper rest or else I'll be in deep trouble... haha. Oh wells I guess on the whole everything went well... no mishaps or what-so-eva other then a couple or near heart attacks, Thank God for that... I don't wanna die young okay... lawl sum it all up yesterday was a fantastic day! 

Breaking the boundaries of self deception

hmm... seems like I'm still coping well but I definately have to start opening up to more people, I mean hey brother edmund is right... I can't go on like this forever or else, I'll forever be stuck in this pot hole... Who knows I might feel better after I talk about it? I guess we'll all know soon enough.

God made man and woman for a reason and he also made them dependable on each other. Just as much as God has filled the void, I know that deep within me I'm missing something... feel incomplete... pain... no matter how much I try to deny and deceive myself, I know I too need my special someone...

-mich

Unexpected returns of the past.

The past has come back to haunt me... I have no idea why the past returns, I should have already moved on... the mistakes I've made, the unhappy memories... it is all coming back, slowly intensifying the torment.

Joyful Joyful

I believe there are many wonderful things that are going to happen around me, as some have already happened... things been good so far in my relationship with dad, we've been talking once again and it seems all good:) Praise the Lord! I believe more breakthrus will come!! just need to pray and fast :) 

"a feeling warmness but yet so cold"

-mich

Words of encouragement that suddenly just came...

Casting aside all worldly issues and focusing my heart,mind and soul on God for it is written "Seek 1st the kingdom of God and everything else shall be added on to you." The mindset that we have determines the person that we will be. The Faithless will crumble and fall even at the slightest obstacle, the Faithful will stand strong even when faced with the toughest obstacle. Even when we are faithless, God is still faithful! and while God is still faithful how can we, his children be faithless? When God believes in US who are WE to doubt him? All glory and thanks to the LORD OUR GOD, for without him we are nothing but just empty shells.

you might wonder why I suddenly penned this down, believe me my brothers and sisters when I say I do not know why but suddenly while showering this thought just came to me and I felt the urge to just pen this in my blog. It prolly could well just be for me or anyone else and I Thank the Lord for filling my mind with such wonderful words of encouragement.

A decision made.

Its been a week since I came back and I've seen significant changes happening to me within just 1 week and now I've finally made the ultimate decision that is I will no longer play dumb anymore, I must rise up. It is time I finally buckle down, yes I am afraid of failing and rejection but so what I will no longer run but instead stand up and face it. I must be who GOD has created not what I am, I cannot run forever so now I've made my decision to rise up and be serious. It will not be easy but I will press on, I'm scared but I will be courageous. With that enough has been said, I am no longer what I am but what GOD has created. I must and will let GOD run my life, what he says I will do. I must do great things for HIM and glorify HIM in all that I do.


-mich

The Past, The Present, The Future

Its just been a few days since I decided to slide on back towards God and changes within me has been going on, not only changes but also more internal conflicts... but I guess it's okay, I think I can handle them on my own for now. Temptations are aplenty and so far I guess I'm resisting them fine. Hope it stays that way... yes I know the road will not be an easy one and also changes will be inevitable and more so the pain that will come along with it, but I guess I'm up to the task after all I guess I'm no stranger to pain. I guess after reading brother Edmund's blog... I sort of reflected on how far has God brought me too... well I guess studying in a mission school for a good 11 years has allowed me to grow up in a Christian environment and mind you I was sent to Acension kindergarten it too taught Christian values... hmm.. now it seems that 1/2 my life so far I was brought up in an Christian Environment. Back then I was young and really didnt know who jesus was and what was his purpose, you know the funny thing is I responded to altar call without knowing what it was all about.. I just had this feeling that I've got to go there, its as if a dormant part of me was suddenly awake and telling me, "Marcus you've got to go, this is something you really really don't want to miss out"... really sounds bizarre right? But I guess over the years I've come to know who Jesus is and what was his purpose.. now here's something that happened to me on a few occasions... well I've had no less than 3 people telling the same thing, I will do many great and wonderful things for God... at that age I was like "what?! are you crazy?? I'm just an ordinary guy how can I possibly do great and wonderful things for God?" even now I'm like "woah lets just take 1 step at a time, how am I suppose to do great and wonderful things for God when I don't even know my own talents? and further more I'm not in very good shape." But I guess well God being God, nothing is impossible for him :)

Hey now don't laugh at me just because I don't know my own talents... seriously sometimes I even wonder do I even have any talents... imo i feel like I'm more of a jack of all trades, master of none... maybe in time to come God will change that? well atleast I do hope he would. hmm... brother Edmund did tell me to rise up and all... and I was like "what?! rise up?! NOW?! you've got to be kidding me... just as when I've gotten naise and comfy in my chair you're telling me to get my butt off that wonderful chair..." haha I guess that was kinda typical of me, seriously I mean who likes to get out of their comfort zones and all... but I guess well he does have a point, and well knowing me for a good 15 years atleast he sure does know how to hit the soft where he knows I'll respond.. you cheeky fellow... sometimes you play dirty you know that? haha. well I guess in all I know what I want for now, and there's alot of work to be done... gonna have to pick up all the pieces again. Rebuilding to greatness in progress.

Haha I think I can plan for the future once again, or rather I'm begining to feel that I still can achieve the future I want :) though I do not know what lies ahead but I am sure that God will be with me throughout the whole journey. What is it that I want in life? well I guess for now I want to serve God to the best of my abilities, able to grad with a degree and settle down @ 28. woah yes it's 28... it may come as a shocker to most... but yes i'm serious its 28 man... most of you people might be thinking "what?! you? settling down @ 28? you gotta be kidding man given your playful nature and all most would think that you wouldn't even plan to settle down man." well sorry people i too thought I wouldn't settle down too... but you see things change and well someone came along and now I'm working on it to make it all come to pass... I guess this is my goal and my future I would like to have and yes alot of overcoming of fears and hard work is needed in order to achieve this. Don't get me wrong man I get scared when it comes down to afew things like, Studying, Decision making and getting into a relationship with the girl i really really really like alot... now don't laugh here... you might think "but what?! you've already been in and out of relationships man this should be like something that is the norm for you so why in the world you getting scared?!" but let me tell you something I'm just like everyone else that gets scared so yeah don't ask me why... cos there is a part of me that isnt for just anyone to know, only those who are special to me will get to know it.

-mich